Does Anyone Else Miss Small Talk?
The death of casual conversation is one more unhappy byproduct of the pandemic.
The last 11 months have been dominated by longing.
Longing for people, for health, for long dinners in dark corners with bottles of red wine, for breaks from the relentlessly depressing news cycle, for competent leadership, for truth.
I’ve missed so many things, but recently I’ve been missing small talk. Not the forced-into-at-a-party-with-someone-you-have-no-interest-in type of small talk, or the “networking” small talk, but the casual exchanges that make up a full and vibrant life. (Or at least, used to in the Before Times.) New York City, where I have lived for the last decade, is a city built for these types of interactions — the ones that could be qualified as inconsequential, but are still energizing little sparks of social connection that remind you why you’ve chosen to pay an unreasonable portion of your salary in living costs. In the Before Times, I crossed paths with new, unexpected people all the time: on the subway, in the elevator, at the coffee shop, at the office, at a friend’s apartment, out to dinner, at a Broadway show.
This whole category of socializing has gone dormant during COVID, something that writer Rachel Syme articulated perfectly on Twitter today:
Her tweets made me think about all the little moments that make living in a city such an electric experience — like the time I went to a Broadway show with my (then new) boyfriend, and ran into another guy that a mutual friend had tried to set me up with when we first started dating. Or the many times I’ve struck up a conversation with a friendly stranger at a dive bar when we’re both trying to get drinks and one of us orders for the other.
I think a lot about the last night I went out before quarantine began last March. I went with three friends to a crowded restaurant downtown. We were surrounded by people, sharing aerosols with all brand of influencer-types as we ordered S’mores pizza and struck up conversation with another woman who only one of us had met before, and gossiped with her about the reality television show she had recently gotten off of. It felt ordinary at the time, but looking back it was a magic night. The last supper.
The magic of these little interactions is the serendipity of them. They don’t require much effort or intention, just being in the right place at the right time. It’s not the same online, where casual exchanges with strangers can easily feel effortful and contrived, or at least one-sided. I love a recipe or loungewear rec as much as the next gal, but there’s no replacing the more fleeting, looser social moments that, as Amanda Mull put it in The Atlantic, “meet our fundamental desire to be known and perceived, to have our own humanity reflected back at us.” These interactions resist categorization, and can’t be mimicked (even in a paltry form) over Zoom.
The loss of our more distant social ties is one I hope people will make up for in earnest once we get vaccinated and back out into the world. Come chat with me.
New Pod!
Alexa Losey joined us on “Here To Make Friends” this week to talk about Matt James’ chore jackets, and his week of cleaning house — both literally and figuratively.
Crossover Pod!
Emma went on Caroline Moss’ podcast, “Gee Thanks Just Bought It” to discuss “The Bachelor” and her beloved $20 PowerLix milk frother.
This Week In Distractions:
Watching…
“The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City,” which is having its finale tonight. Heather Gay and Whitney Rose forever. If you know, you know.
AOC’s powerful 90-minute IG Live about her harrowing experience at the Capitol during the attempted insurrection. Watch it, get appropriately angry, demand accountability.
If you haven’t yet seen Michaela Coel’s masterpiece, “I May Destroy You,” go binge the whole thing now instead of thinking about those abysmal Golden Globes nominations.
Reading…
“Assume Nothing,” Tanya Selvaratnam’s gripping memoir about the intimate partner violence she experienced with former NY Attorney General Eric Schneiderman.
Carmen Maria Machado on the ways “Promising Young Woman” upends the rape revenge genre.
Listening to…
“Maintenance Phase,” a great pod about the weird scam wellness industry, both past and present. This week’s episode is about “snake oil.”
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