Uncomfortable Feelings About Motherhood
Uncomfortable Feelings About Motherhood
A very personal check-in.
Appears in this episode
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Content Warning: In today’s podcast, we will be discussing pregnancy and having children, and our own personal experiences with deciding whether to grow our families. We know these are difficult topics for many people. If you’re struggling with infertility, or have suffered miscarriage, or have lost children, we know that the question of “choosing” to have children can be particularly painful. If this is the case for you, this may be a good episode to skip.
It’s been nearly two years since we’ve had a conversation about motherhood on this podcast. Now felt like a good time to bring this loose series back. Claire is pregnant with her second child. Emma is watching so many people around her experience the joys and pains of parenthood for the first time, and is still confused about how she feels about having those experiences herself.
So consider this episode a casual check-in, one in which we try to be honest and raw about a topic that is so thorny for so many people. This conversation is far from the totality of our thoughts and feelings and fears and hopes, but it is a start.
We are working our way through all of the excellent questions and topics that listeners suggested when we said we were thinking of doing more motherhood/non-motherhood episodes. We plan to dig deeper into topics like the money question in future episodes. And we also are hoping to have guests — friends and experts who have lived experiences that we don’t.
Hope you enjoy. Xo
Check out our previous conversations on motherhood & non-motherhood below:
Bridging The Motherhood Divide (Ep. 1)
Mom Fashion & The Nap Dress (Ep. 2)
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Uncomfortable Feelings About Motherhood
As someone who grappled with these decisions 20 years ago (I’m 57) I remember how impossible these choices seemed at the time. While I always wanted children, the decision to stop at two was incredibly difficult. I had always envisioned a bigger family (I’m one of 4 kids and a twin to boot) but my husband very much wanted to stop at two. When I came to truly understand his reasons, I made peace with our decision. Still, there was a time when I never thought I would stop mourning the child (or children) I didn’t have. Now I can’t imagine our family any other way. I’m here from the future to tell you that no matter what you decide, there is no wrong answer.
I highly recommend the Dear Sugar column called The Ghost Ship that Didn’t Carry Us. Cheryl Strayed gets it. Every time.
https://therumpus.net/2011/04/21/dear-sugar-the-rumpus-advice-column-71-the-ghost-ship-that-didnt-carry-us/
I wish there had been such a smart, nuanced, and empathetic conversation for me to listen to way back when. I know your listeners facing similar decisions will thank you for affirming their feelings.
Thank you both for this nuanced and compassionate conversation. @Emma, thank you for sharing your complicated thoughts and feelings as you grapple with the choice of becoming a parent (or not). I am in a very similar place and felt so seen. I have been in that place for a while, and the nugget where you both discuss that some people have an innate pull to be a parent (likely for evolutionary reasons) really struck me. Of course I knew this, but hearing it said explicitly in this conversation brought me a surprising amount of clarity. I’m in my early 30s and have never felt that pull. Maybe I will in the future, but it brings me a little peace to know that I am not wrong in my current choice to be child-free in this moment.
I’m lucky enough to have grown up with my mom’s best friend as our child-free “auntie” and have wonderful memories of her visiting every Thursday night. An Auntie Karen visit meant we got to have breakfast for dinner and sit on the kitchen floor eating Cheezits! For now I look forward to being that auntie to the children in my life. Grateful to you both and your vulnerability with this community.